anger

lately, anger has been my primary emotion. i'm angry at work. i'm angry at home. i'm angry everywhere.

i'm trying to be positive. but, hell, it's hard.

when you're manipulating into taking care of other people all the time, it can wear you down. i've been doing it most of my life and i just want to be done. you might say "i'm mad as hell and not going to take it anymore."

you might.

i hit a high point with my anger last night. i finally read the report detailing salaries for people of comparable jobs. it was bad. the numbers made me scream. instead of yelling myself hoarse, i poured the southern comfort. i choked back tears. i felt angry at how devalued i was. why the hell was i wasting so much of my life in this job? a job that clearly didn't care about me.

i signed up for public service when i graduated law school. but public service does not have to mean being devalued.

i am the woman behind the scene in my job. the unwritten code of my job description is to make the people above me look good. and i'm good at it. i make it easy for the higher ups to do their job. perhaps too easy.

and that realization makes me angry.

and finally this anger results in something. i sent an email. took action. took command of my future.

here goes nuthin'.