and the slacker rears her head

I am a slacker right now. I was very not all there last week. And I'm trying to re-focus my energies. This time of year is chaos for me (as well as the rest of the universe.) I am determined to bring back my creative energies and get some projects done around the house.

I'm also determined to not be shopping everyday of December. I think I have a few gift ideas planned and I need to just carry them out. Magazine subscriptions for the youngsters, perhaps a couple day trips here and there, and the knitting. Oh good god, the knitting... I have decided to call it the month of knitting dangerously - you can follow along here.

I'm already behind.

This weekend though, I went with my dad to a 50th Wedding Anniversary. And if anything could make this cynical girl shed a tear - it was listening to the groom announce his neverending love for his bride. As he put it "we're still riding in that car." Beautiful. My dad had a tough time working up the strength to go to this shinding. He did NOTHING for a few days. But this is him looking dapper in poor lighting. The photo was taken with my iPhone. So forgive me!!!

Then on Sunday, I saw Rent. With Jess. She's quoting a lot again. As am I. I'm also waking up with such questions as did Benny actually love Mimi or was it all about power? And why am I such a Mark with a dash of Roger thrown in? But who would I want to be? Probably Angel.

But, then those heels really would not work well with my plantar fascitis issues...

merry christmas...

ugh... why is it already christmas?

oops -

I forgot to post pictures that past few days. I have taken some - but they aren't the greatest. I'm sort of at a loss for words right now so I will leave you with a shot of what is likely the last yellow rose of the year.




and my niece Anna jumping rope in the magic hour of outdoor light...



And lastly - a great book for everyone to read. It's Awesome.

birthday "mehs"

today is my birthday. i turn the ripe old age of 32. actually i really have no problem with the age. i personally think it's a great time to be in my thirties and that, well, my twenties were a ridiculous time with lots of personal issues and my thirties started out a little shaky - but seriously it can only get better. right?

but, today i went into new york city with my little cousin - who is well not so little, she's going to be 21 in just a couple weeks. we had no agenda except to maybe check out the TKTS booth for what was half price and grab me a gluten free cupcake at Babycakes NYC. we ended up saying no to a show since the weather was great for just walking and wandering and i DID have my camera with me. so that's what we did.

it was a good day. i got my gluten free cupcake (mocha - soooooo good) and i played with my camera and left the city very calm and relaxed. really - a good birthday.

but, it's just a weird day. it doesn't feel like my birthday. my dad is slightly ornery. my brothers are unable to commit to a day to have cake together. and i don't really want to make a big deal. but now i'm having dinner at one house on one night and another house on another. which is fine. i do want to make everyone happy - but at the same time... it's my damn birthday. make me happy! i know that at times i have ridiculous expectations. and i'm trying to breathe in, breathe out and let it all go. and have faith the universe will look out for me.

because, well, i'm done. i'm done with getting upset because it feels like everything is too difficult. i'm done with being sad that things don't work out the way envisioned.

so, my intention for this 33rd year of life is to have faith in the universe and accept that sometimes, things are what they are. and they work out the way they are meant to be. it's not easy for me to do. i do not live that way. i can sometimes be a cynical bastard that views her personal life negatively and assumes it won't work out. but that takes a lot of energy and i need my energy for important things - like taking pictures, seeking out live music, knitting, obsessively listening to west side story and rent, and reading all the damn books in my bookshelf. so, i don't have a drink in my hand, but if i did - i would raise it to this resolve. here goes nothing...


OH and some pictures...

affirm this

i took an online course on building dreams called mondo beyondo. i highly highly HIGHLY recommend it.

it doesn't do much. it doesn't lead to everlasting change. but it puts your fears out there. and for me, it taught me to trust in the universe a bit more. i tend to shrink away from the universe and view all things as negative. and i still do that. five weeks won't change that. but, i have been whispering affirmations to myself a bit more. things like "i can trust my open heart" and "forget regret" and "this dream will carry you".

i'm not entirely sure what my dreams are at all times, but i have found myself being more vocal and taking more chances in these few weeks. and hopefully these chances will lead to bigger things. even something as simple as posting a picture a day for a month or so. it's forcing me to use my creative energies in ways i didn't quite do before.

pretty pictures

I took this yesterday while I set myself up in a little home based photo clinic. I thought it was a good day to play with f-stops.

I also spent the evening at the CT Roller Girls last bout of the season. Now that. That is fun. So much fun. If I wasn't chicken shit and if I knew how to skate - perhaps I would consider trying out. But I want to go see another bout. I hate that the season is over.

And this morning I watched some soccer - I know shocking. But this time it was my 6 year old niece's soccer clinic. It was a bunch of little girls running around and it was fantastic. Truly wonderful. No elbows were thrown. And no one was injured. Makes me want to join a women's league.

black crows...

This was what greeted me as I left the house.

That picture would look substantially better if I had my new zoom lens which unfortunately did not arrive until this evening. Here is the inaugural picture.


These would be the mums sitting on my front porch. Up super close.

General Lee?

Or not.

goodbye october...

i like this picture. the colors. the way it smelled outside when i took it. and the bend. there's so much potential. a whole new world might be around the bend.