and the slacker rears her head

I am a slacker right now. I was very not all there last week. And I'm trying to re-focus my energies. This time of year is chaos for me (as well as the rest of the universe.) I am determined to bring back my creative energies and get some projects done around the house.

I'm also determined to not be shopping everyday of December. I think I have a few gift ideas planned and I need to just carry them out. Magazine subscriptions for the youngsters, perhaps a couple day trips here and there, and the knitting. Oh good god, the knitting... I have decided to call it the month of knitting dangerously - you can follow along here.

I'm already behind.

This weekend though, I went with my dad to a 50th Wedding Anniversary. And if anything could make this cynical girl shed a tear - it was listening to the groom announce his neverending love for his bride. As he put it "we're still riding in that car." Beautiful. My dad had a tough time working up the strength to go to this shinding. He did NOTHING for a few days. But this is him looking dapper in poor lighting. The photo was taken with my iPhone. So forgive me!!!

Then on Sunday, I saw Rent. With Jess. She's quoting a lot again. As am I. I'm also waking up with such questions as did Benny actually love Mimi or was it all about power? And why am I such a Mark with a dash of Roger thrown in? But who would I want to be? Probably Angel.

But, then those heels really would not work well with my plantar fascitis issues...

Why did I not know about the Gaslight Anthem before last night. This is an awesome album.

It's the first post of this new year. 2009. I think it will be okay. Based on all the pamphlets I was handed regarding grief, I am supposed to not make any decisions for one year. So in October, I will be chock full of 'em. No sudden movements if you will.

Of course, sometimes you can't control the sudden movements. For example, the state legislature could just decide to make your job irrelevant because of one newspaper writer's crusade. And then you're suddenly sitting at home without a job that really when you think about it, you didn't hate. You liked what you did. It was the people that made it harder than it should be.

Or family keeps thinking you should date so they set you up with people. Can I open the first date with "Hi, according to this pamphlet the hospital gave me, I am not supposed to make any sudden decisions for a year. I have X number of months left."

Or you really need to get out for a bit. Is a spontaneous vacation a sudden movement? Of course, I am not the most spontaneous kiddo in the world. So there would be super planning for the supposed spontaneity.

Instead of planning for this year or doing any meditative journaling on the topic, I sat on my futon last night knitting a red hat and watching Buffy. It's that wierd season of Buffy where they bring her back from the dead and she begins this really unhealthy and violent affair with Spike and Dawn becomes a shoplifter and Willow was all super crazy witch in recovery and Anya and Zander are supposed to get married. But, it did have the AWESOME musical episode.

hmmm.. Maybe Joss Whedon should do musicals more often. Ahem, Mr. Whedon. Please? Pretty please? I would love it. It would make this girl so happy.

But I do have a couple new year resolves. Not resolutions. These are things I resolve to do more often. I want to travel more. And by travel I mean, just get out of my house more. Take a day off and go to a museum. Take a train ride to New York. Go to Boston. Also visit my friend Sara in Chicago. I will do that this year.

I also want to try to go back to yoga again. I haven't gone to a yoga class since the day after my mom died. I started yoga years ago looking for quiet. That quiet was scary recently. It scares me less now.

Use my knitting powers for good. Not evil. And finish the red hat.