Anyone seen my voice?

I have been trying to write again. Get back in the habit and be productive with my writing and other creative endeavors. I have a lot of half starts in my house right now and I'd like to be finish a couple of them.

But it's been really hard. So hard.

I sit down to write and it seems like I've forgotten how to do it. I feel like my stories are no longer in my voice. I used to know my voice really well. In fact, I thought I had a strong voice. One that was me and sometimes quite intuitive and articulate.

But now, the voice is foreign to me. It speaks haltingly and forced. I don't know what happened. It's like it just up and vanished and ran away. Maybe it is participating in an exchange program with another voice? When it comes back it will be stronger and more vibrant then ever?

This week I set about with goals. I've established where I want to write in my house (Incidentally, it's a room I've been jokingly referring to as the creative room since my sewing machine, yarn, and other such materials are sitting in there.) I'm deciding what my writing days and times will be. I'm even thinking about a writing ritual - maybe a piece of clothing or a hat or a scarf. I have the chair. It's orange.

I'm hoping that these baby steps will help my voice return. Because, frankly, it's absence is beginning to piss me off.

motivation

If you find my writing motivation - let me know. It's been hiding out lately. My latest theory is that it has taken off and is touring the universe with a towel and traveling companion named Trillian.

On the other side of that proverbial coin, I find myself unusually productive in household endeavors. There's something about spring that makes me want to clean and re-do everything. This year I had a bit of a bump in that. My dad wanted a new room and I needed to re-organize the house.

The big stuff is all done. I have the furniture moved. The books re-located (ALL OF THEM). And for the most part everything is liveable.

There are things I need to address. Such as making the office/den/me space look like me. I need to decorate. Which I enjoy and hate at the same time. How you decorate says so much about you. Just as what you wear on a particular day indicates your mood. What do I do on the blank canvass of my walls? I'm not crazy about the color, but did not have the time nor desire to go through painting or picking a color at this moment. So, how do I cover the color up?

The big stuff I was motivated to do. This part - the decorating. The making it look pretty - not so much. My decorating motivation has joined my writing motivation and hopefully when they return, they will have great stories to tell and design inspiration to share.

I need to take my motivation as it comes. I am clearing out the closets in the empty rooms. I am turning one of the empty rooms into a guest room. A place people can visit and sleep while visiting that is welcoming, fun and adorable. There's a kid theme - because right now most of my guests are 12 and under (my nieces and nephew) with an appreciation for polka dots, Harry Potter, and elephants. The other one I want to be a crafty fun room that can double as a spare bedroom when the need arises. I'd like to set up my sewing machine, store all my yarn and fabric, knitting and sewing books and be functional.

The plans I have. Now I just need to put it all into action.

Of course, I am today exhausted. And I want to just spend the day sitting on my couch and reading a book.

But I will make myself do one productive thing before that luxuriousness.